My Grandma’s Triscuit Thingies Make the Holidays Special

My dad’s mom loved to entertain, especially during the holidays. She was known for her splendid hospitality as well as her delicious salads, tender pork and beef roasts, and decadent desserts. While my cousin, my brother, and I liked those things, it was her Triscuit “thingies” we loved most.

I realize that a Triscuit thingy doesn’t sound like anything special. This was the name we gave my grandmother’s famous appetizer when we were kids and it stuck. I’m pretty sure she called them “broiled cheese toasts,” but we didn’t care about formalities. We just wanted to know that as soon as we walked in the door there would be Triscuit thingies for devouring. My poor grandmother!

Looking back, it seems odd that we all loved this appetizer. If we had known what was in it, we might not have been so excited. This is especially true for my brother, who claimed for years that he was “allergic” to mayonnaise, which is (ironically) the first ingredient. 

To the mayonnaise, my grandma added parmesan cheese, sour cream, dried onion, Tabasco sauce, and Worcestershire sauce. She’d spread a layer of the mixture over Triscuit crackers and then broil them until they were bubbly and golden brown. 

We’d be right by her side when she pulled them out of the oven. She’d shoo us away saying they were too hot, but we knew that’s when they tasted best! Yes, we burned our mouths a few times, but it was nothing a little sparkling apple cider couldn’t fix. 

My grandmother passed away when I was a freshman in college, but her memory lives on in our holiday events. We make feeble attempts at recreating her fabulous roasts and desserts, but her Triscuit thingies always seem to turn out perfectly.

Tips for Making Triscuit Thingies

• Make the spread ahead of time: You can make the spread up to a day in advance, which I recommend. The extra time provides a richer, more flavorful spread. 
• Go full-fat: You may be tempted to use “light” or “low-fat” options when it comes to the mayonnaise and sour cream. I beg that you don’t do this. The fat contributes to the flavor and texture, which are key to this appetizer.
• The crackers of choice: My grandmother always used Triscuits, never anything else. If you can’t find the name brand, look for any “woven wheat-style” cracker as a substitute.
• Broil small batches: My grandmother made a big bowl of the spread but only broiled a dozen or so crackers at a time so that they could be enjoyed warm. It was the move of a great hostess, but also a great way to prevent wasting ingredients. Any extra spread can be refrigerated and used within a few days.